Here Today
by alwaysxsaidsnape
Summary: It's October 1, 1981 and a twenty-one year old Sirius Black has just found out that his best friend is dead.


This song was inspired by the song _Here Today_ by Paul McCartney about John Lennon.  
I heard it and instantly thought of Prongs and Padfoot so I decided to write out my feelings.  
Enjoy.

* * *

_But as for me,  
I still remember how it was before.  
And I am holding back the tears no more.  
Ooh- ooh- ooh- I love you, ooh-_

_. . . . . . . . _

The night had been like any other night for Sirius, he was waiting as he always did for the usual late night owl that he got from James. Of course, the note had to pass four different hands before it got to him but Sirius knew it was for the best. Merlin, he should not have allowed them to make Peter the secret keeper because now that meant even he had to stay away from them. It was bad enough that Lily and James thought Sirius would be the one the Death Eaters tried to torture, but now he was being kept from two of his best friends and his godson. It should have been no surprise to Dumbledore to find Sirius sitting out in the back of his home smoking a cigarette, but it was very surprising to Sirius. What was he doing here?

"You turned into a owl now, Dumbledore? What has the world come to?" Sirius grinned as he always did when he was teasing someone.

But when he looked at the solemn expression that Dumbledore was wearing he felt something tug at his heartstrings and he sat up a bit straighter. Cigarette carelessly allowed to drop to the ground because it was written all over Dumbledore's face. Something was wrong. Something was _dead_ wrong.

"Sirius, I need you to come with me," Dumbledore said with his voice even.

"What's happened?"

His breathing had already started to become ragged, his heart thudding harshly in his ears but he forced himself to focus on the sound of Dumbledore's voice.

"It's James and Lily, they've been killed."

All he heard was James, that name only, and Sirius felt like his heart had been torn from his chest. It didn't matter that Lily was dead, not because he didn't care and not because he hadn't loved her. Sirius had loved her immensely for making his best mate such a good man, but it was James. James was the boy who saved him, James was the brother he'd never had. James was the only family he had now and James was the loss he felt the most.

Sirius didn't even know he was shaking till he felt a hand on his shoulder for a moment he thought that Dumbledore was the one shaking him. Everything was crumbling around him and all he could think about was the letter that was never coming. He was waiting for James to turn up and hug him, for them to share a beer and listen to Lily say that they shouldn't drink so much with Harry on her hip. No, that was never going to happen again. This war had taken his best friend from him, but it couldn't have. He was suppose to be safe! That was the whole point in separating them. James was supposed to be safe!

"NO! He can't have been! No one knew where he was! No one but you and —"

Sirius felt his heart fall out of his ass right then, Peter had betrayed them. He had betrayed Lily and James, not only them but Sirius and Remus as well. Their best mate, their fourth man had betrayed them in cold blood and sold them out. Sirius felt sick to his stomach, tears making him bleary eyed as sorrow and anger warred with each other in his head. Something snapped deep inside of him because James was the person that kept him on the right track. James kept him sane, kept the Black blood from going to his head.

Rage swirled, sorrow bubbled and Sirius was reeling and before Dumbledore could disarm him Sirius had thrown him back with a quick charm. It was amazing how fast he was, but running on the pure anxiety of losing James he was gone in the blink of an eye. Apparating in the front of James' and Lily's house, in ruins he stared at it before falling to his knees and letting out a shrill cry that would strike anyone to the bone. Shaking hands pressed to his face, on the verge of clawing the skin off he was trying his hardest to breathe but he couldn't.

"JAMES!"

He was screaming at the night air, screaming for his best friend to come to what was left of the door. He knew that he wouldn't, but he remained on his knees swaying as if in a drunken stupor as tears streamed down his face.

"_JAMES!_"

His lips trembled as he started sobbing and rocking back and forth onto his haunches as the tears continued. Sirius stayed like this for a long while till clarity hit him like a hex to the face and he stopped. Slowly, as if possessed, Sirius stood up with his wand hand trembling while his knuckles went white from how tight he held it. Someone would pay for this and he knew exactly who that would be.

Peter.

That rat, that scoundrel. He would pay for this, he would pay dearly. If James would never take another breath, neither would he. Especially if Sirius had anything to say about it.


End file.
